Cristiano Ronaldo Threatens To Push His Body Fat From 3% to 3.6%

When you think “fat athlete” and “Ronaldo,” Cristiano isn’t the first one that comes to mind. But it turns out the soccer superstar is being warned by his team’s doctors that he needs to cut down on what the Daily Star UK calls “tasty Brit grub.” It may have been the first time those three words were ever put together.

“Stuff like pies and chips aren’t the fuel for superstar athletes,” said a [Manchester United] source. “Now and again is fine – they can get away with a little diversion from their eating programme. But the days are long gone when players prepared for matches with haddock and chips and bottles of brown ale.”

We can’t wait for the day that we see fat Cristiano play his final days in Vegas, bloated and stuffed into his uniform… oh wait, that’s fat Elvis. Well, substitute “in Vegas” with “at Benfica,” and it works just as well.
RONALDO TOLD: LAY OFF ALL THE PIES! [Daily Star UK, via Deadspin]
Image [shw.fotopages.com]