Uefa Champions’ League Soccer: The Axe Is Coming Down On Teams Tonight!

Matchday 5 of European Champions’ League clashes are about to start and we’re as hyped as that one time we waited five hours to see Rage Against The Machine. Well, it might not be that exciting since it’s merely the group stages of the tournament, but you know, it’s like a small percentile of that feeling. A few teams have managed to slip up–most notably Liverpool FC–and there may be an ousting of mega-teams tonight. Are we craving for it? Duh.
Liverpool FC V FC Porto: 14:45 ET - Anfield

• Hey remember that one time Liverpool slaughtered a poor Besiktas side 8-0? Well you should toss that out like a cigarette butt because if Liverpool lose tonight, then their about as out of the tourney as turtle necks are to fashion. Too bad they can’t carry over some of those goals against Besiktas because we’re positive group leaders FC Porto will be bringing their A-game. Is Beckham playing tonight? Liverpool should wish he was because Peter Crouch can’t seem to score without him lately. We’re calling a 2-1 Porto win.

Rosenberg V Chelsea FC: 14:45 ET - Lerkendal Stadium

• Group B is like the Los Angeles Dodgers spending: tight. The possiblities as to who will progress are as mind-boggling as Jose Mourinho’s antics. But the way Chelsea are playing, we’d vouch for a stunner at Lerkendal. Didier Drogba is back in the lineup; but Florent Maloud, Michael Ballack, Ricardo Carvalho and Petr Cech are all out with injury. Prediction: Chelsea 1, Rosenberg 1.

Werder Bremen V Real Madrid: 14:45 ET - Weserstadion

• Give us some Van Nistelrooy, son! Real Madrid need just one point to qualify for the next round; while Deigo-less Werder Bremen need a stinkin’ miracle to make it through. Wesley Sneider will be out of commission for “El Blanco”, but that guy has been MIA since he scored four goals in two games at the beginning of Madrid’s La Liga campaign. Whatever, we just want to see Robinho samba. Real Madrid 3, Werder Bremen 2.

Benfica V AC Milan: 14:45 ET - Estadio da Luz

• “El Panson” Ronaldo may make his European CL debut this year. He’s fresh with a fro and everything. That’s how long he’s been out. AC Milan need one point to progress and that’s as likely as the sun rising tomorrow. Unless you know something we don’t. AC Milan 3, Benfica 1.

Other matches today include Besiktas V Marseille, Valencia V Schalke 04, Lazio V Olympiakos, and Celtic V Shakhtar Donetsk. All games begin at 14:45 EST. Check local listings.
Image [The Sun]