Gilbert Arenas Answers A Question About His Privates

Readers, we want you to sift through your worst nightmares. Those that don’t concern money, or losing a house, or having your new HD TV smashed to smithereens. No. None of those. Sift through the diabolical ones. Those consist of physical dismemberment and the like. Now, let Gilbert Arenas tell you what it’s like to wake up one day, well, just read:

“When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend’s razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything — just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed. Now I use clippers.”

U-u-u-m. Wow. Did he just…Hm. “Raw Flesh.” Okay. Besides the damn-is-this-true-please-god-tell-us-no reaction, we can all come away from this thoroughly educated about rubbing foreign shit on our balls. Just. Don’t. Use clippers.
Thank you for the public service announcement, Gilbert.

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