Machochip Weekly Recap: We’re Holding You Back Just A Little Longer.

What you missed this week at the chip because you were busy putting out your cigs like an idiot.

• Dwight Howard slams Superman steelo.
• Ronaldo to the MLS now that he’s hurt? Sure, why not?
• Your statue looks like a block of cheese, Mr. Di Stefano.
• Floyd Mayweather Jr. makes his WWE debut.
• Ozzie Guillen ain’t gonna shut his mouf no mo!
• Are you a biker in Texas who doesn’t like to shower at home? Well Lance Armstrong has the perfect place for you.
• Calling all fat dudes in the Miami area. Calling all fat dudes.
• Manuel Almunia believes ghosts are trying to sleep with his wife. Maybe.
• Feature: Your ad here. Go read it because a lot of people did.
• Cristiano Ronaldo had laser surgery during a game? What? Oh, someone shot a laser beam at Cristiano. Stupid “Ingles Sin Barreras.”
• There’s racism in Spain? Pfft. Come on. No. Pass me my Franco lunch pale.
• Lorena Ochoa can suck demons out of you.
• Prince Fielder went vegetarian in the offseason, but he’ll go back to eating steak when he realizes he can’t hit the ball out of the infield.

Image [BBC]