The Marlins Are Looking For Tubbies On South Beach. Good Luck.

If TV has taught us anything, finding fat people in Miami is damn near impossible. From what we understand, everyone there’s either a thin model, thin drug kingpin, thin crooked cop or thin cop just trying to do what’s right. We think it’s because of the humidity… or the cocaine in the water from so much of it being dumped in the toilet by said kingpins during busts. Whatever the reason, it’s going to be hard for the Florida Marlins to find a tubby to join their new male dance troop that will be made up of entirely big men. Serves ‘em right for leaving all those thin dancers out of work.

The Florida Marlins are looking for big bellies with the biggest jiggle, big feet with the best dance moves and enthusiasm that will rock Marlins fans out of their seats. Auditions will be held to find a few big men for the Marlins Manatees, the first-ever dance/energy squad in Major League Baseball.

Why would you need to pump up 2000 people? The only reason this would make sense is if management is just trying to make the stadium look fuller by putting fat people on parade or is now counting attendance by combined weight.
The Florida Marlins Are Looking For Fat Dudes [Deadspin]
Image [Deadspin]