Dodgers Matt Kemp Learns The Finest Chinese

The Los Angeles Dodgers allowed ESPN writer Eric Neel exclusive access on their road throughout China to report back on any fistacuffs, maybe the occasional hooker scandal, or to simply report back on Joe Torre’s exquisite shoes, which he did, rather eloquently. We read excerpts today, (it’s a fantastic read) and found a funky exchange between a Chinese security guard, Matt Kemp’s bravado and a Taiwanese man providing the translation for “bullshit.” First, you need to know that Joe Torre and crew were trying to get into Wukesong Stadium, but two security guards dissed the hell out of them like Ronnie Turiaf gets dissed at clubs. Then, once the Dodgers loaded back onto the bus, this happened:

The driver begins a somewhat perilous U-turn as Torre, sitting in the first row on the right side of the bus, puts his legs up on the rail in front of him and crosses his feet. The rest of us are standing or leaning, looking out the windows, giving the guards the stink-eye. One of them smiles. And then two teenage girls in skirts and tights appear from god knows where and whisper something to the guards and damned if they don’t let them in, right under the rope. “This is bull—-!” Dodgers right fielder Matt Kemp says from a seat in the back. “Kuo!” he calls out to his teammate, Taiwanese pitcher Hong-Chih Kuo. “How do you say ‘bull—-’ in Chinese?” Kuo gives him a word I can’t make out and Kemp quickly shouts something out the bus window. One of the guards hears him and shouts back, awkwardly but unmistakably, “F— you!” and starts moving toward the bus. (Turns out Kuo’s term apparently roughly translates not to “bull—-” but to “dumb p—-.” Oops.) The bus is a riot of nervous laughter and anxious motion, some of us jumping up, others crouching down.

Torre turns his head toward the window, looking out at the approaching guard, and taps the glass with the knuckle of his right middle finger. “It’s all right,” he says with a slight smile. “I’m sure this stuff is bullet-proof.”

The mystery of Matt Kemp’s clumsy base-running is solved: he’s got a shitty translator at third base.
Cool in any language [ESPN]
Image [ESPN]