Feature: A Video Game Hot Potato That Isn’t Grand Theft Auto IV—Avoiding The Madden Curse

24 April 2008, 12:45 PM. By Daniel Mauser

Contributing Editor Alex Ferreyra has been playing Madden Football since his college days long… long time ago. That’s why he’s so concerned about the athletes that have been affected by the dreaded “Madden Curse” Well, except for that dog-killing f’er Michael Vick. He can rot in prison. But in this article, he picks the players he thinks should grace this year’s edition—and ranks who got the worst of The Curse.
Tomorrow we find out who will be the new face of the most popular football franchise in America. No, I’m not talking about the NFL, where we already know that Jake Long is Miami’s first choice in this weekend’s draft. The person I’m talking about will be a household name in more homes than a rookie offensive lineman with his helmet on. Of course I’m talking about the new face of Madden 2009. But in light of the past few years, is it really a spot to be coveted?

You don’t have to be a regular Kotaku reader to know there’s an alleged “Madden Curse” that’s befallen most of the athletes that have graced the game’s cover. Last year, San Diego Chargers’ running back LaDanian Tomlinson reportedly declined an invitation to be the Madden 08 cover player officially saying he didn’t have time to fulfill the obligations that come with the title. But some say the real reason is that he was spooked by the fates of the previous six cover players who either injured themselves or had career-low years after their visage graced the game. Do I blame him? No, because I am one of the few people that actually believes in the curse.
There’s no other reason why such a select group of highly conditioned athletes would suddenly sustain season-ending injuries. Sure, you could chalk it up to life in the NFL, but the list of downward spiraling events occurring just after these guys appeared on the cover is just too overwhelming in my unscientific, using-rocks-to-open-cans mind. How I do think the curse came about? Let’s just say it took deals with someone more powerful than Don Ohlmeyer to keep an imbibed John Madden—drunk off a mix of whiskey, turducken and Al Michael’s cologne—in the booth for this long. Sucks that the athletes had to pay for it like little Kirsten Dunst in Interview With A Vampire.

So before I look into the future and speculate on who should be the 2009 cover player, let’s look at the Madden Curse’s top five, well, cursed.

1. Michael Vick (2004)
The poster child for the “Madden Curse,” as well as why there should only be two pre-season NFL games instead of four. Five days after his 04 cover was released, the Falcons’ former quarterback Michael Vick broke his right fibula in the second pre-season game and wouldn’t come back until the 11th game of the season, only to suckily round out the season. Luckily for him, the Falcons were already doing that pretty well without him, so the 5-11 season wasn’t all his fault. But then, four years later, came the unpleasantness that goes with killing dogs—namely, going to federal prison for a long, long time. So the Falcons were left to use Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich while Michael Vick is left to constantly look over his shoulder for the next nine years. I think that’s a pretty even trade.

2. Shaun Alexander (2007)
When now ex-Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander appeared on the cover of Madden 07, he was coming off one of the best years ever: 1,880 yards and 28 scores. Not only that, the Alabama Slamma had only missed one game in the previous four years. Cue the screeching car breaks. It was like a perfect storm for the Curse. His cover year caused him to miss six games after breaking his foot and he didn’t even crack 1,000 yards. The reason he’s number two is because the effects of the injury (which, of course, I empirically link to The Curse) still haunt him today. Last season was his worst full season ever. He barely cracked 3.5 yards per carry. The former MVP was summarily dismissed by Seattle this past Wednesday, and is looking for a vooodo priest to lift the curse. Or an open spot in training camp (I’d suggest the former).

3. Donovan McNabb (2006)
A double-whammy here since Donvan McNabb was also featured on cans of Chunky soup, which has its own curse to contend with. If that wasn’t bad enough, he also brazenly went on to say about the curse, “it may be a trend, but I don’t believe in the curse at all.” But the Football Gods are known to be an antsy bunch, (see: Vick, Michael), and Donovan was dealt a sports hernia that he played with until the eighth game when Dallas’ Roy Williams did what does best and hurt (some say deliberately because he was a division foe—see: Owens, Terell) Eagle McNabb, aggravating the injury to the point where he couldn’t play anymore. He elected to have season-ending surgery and the Eagles, who McNabb led to the Super Bowl the season before, finished out of the playoffs. But the team malcontent and Donovan-nemesis Terrell Owens also left the team that season, so for McNabb I’m sure it was a toss-up.

4. Marshall Faulk (2003)
In 2002, Marshall Faulk reminded me of Jesse Ventura in Predator–he ain’t got time to bleed. The St. Louis running back who, along with bag man QB Kurt Warner, led the Rams to two Super Bowls in ‘00 and ‘02, unwisely decided to take the Madden shoot and ended up with a busted ankle. But even though he missed five games, he ended up with over 1400 yards and 10 TDs.

5. Daunte Culpepper (2002)
In 2000, Daunte Culpepper was a fantasy god, throwing for 3937 yards and 33 touchdowns while rushing for 470 yards and 7 more scores in the 2000 season. Unfortunately, he agreed with the Madden people and–some people like me would say predictably–he began his descent into mediocrity. Hell, Trent Dilfer-esque mediocrity would’ve done him some good. But he started the ‘01 season throwing more interceptions than touchdowns before–some people like me would say predictably–he injured his back, forcing him to miss the rest of the season. Since then, he’s been released by the Vikings and tried to latch on to other teams, including the Raiders last year. Yeesh, the Football Gods are mean.
So those are the worst of the worst past victims. What’s in store for this year? I’ve picked the five players that I think have, for whatever reason, the right to wear the crown for the 2009 season.

Eli Manning (NY Giants) He won the Super Bowl! He just got married! It can only go downhill from here, buddy. You might as well take the proper train to get there and have an out. Why should Peyton have all the fun with the commercials, chanting “Cut That Meat!” and talking about flames on the sides of minivans? You want to talk about flaming things, right? You’ve got to come out of his shadow, and this is the way to do it. You’ve already surpassed your dad and won your first Super Bowl seasons before your big bro. Take the insurance money and go, man.
Adrian Peterson (Minnesota Vikings) If there’s anyone that’s ready to take on the crown as Madden Curse victim, it’s AP. While at Oklahoma, he broke his collarbone and injured his ankle all within his three years there, missing tons of time but still managing to finish second in the Heisman voting and being named First Team All-American. Maybe he could be a reverse jinxee, having gone through all the injuries already. Or he could spontaneously combust during a breakaway run. That’s a toss up.
Devin Hester (Chicago Bears) The only defensive player ever to grace a Madden cover was Ray Lewis and that was, like, cause he almost killed a guy. (Ok, not really–he was really, really good). Devin Hester, although converted into a wideout last season, was drafted as a cornerback out of Miami–coincidentally where Lewis played. But the reason he’s on this list is because the guy is the most electrifying kick returner ever and in two years has already broken the Bears all-time return record and the NFL record for most returned kicks for touchdowns. And when you’re a one trick pony whose carrot (getting the ball kicked to to you) can easily get taken away (um, don’t kick to him), you’re destined to become like hot-for-a-second Chiefs return man Dante Hall. Get on the cover of Madden, Devin, and be sure every kick to Chicago is a squib shot to the left of you, leaving you with nary a runback touchdown—and having the unenviable task of having to justify your salary by catching passes from Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton.
Tony Romo (Dallas Cowboys) We’d love to see Romo here instead of his arch-nemesis Tom Brady for the simple fact that there could be a Guitar Hero/Rock Band cross over so you can play in the off-season with Metal Skool.

Randy Moss (New England Patriots Sure he had to veer over to the dark side to become somewhat respectable again, but sometimes you’ve gotta do that. What the New England Patriots are to troubled talent, is what born again Christianity is to recovering addicts–a group to belong to where the air of stability hopefully rubs off on them (it’s also a role which was played by Moss’ former team, the Raiders, until they became just as troubled themselves). Moss is a complete monster in every incarnation of Madden I’ve played– even in his shitty Raider days–and if any time was safe to put him on the cover, it’s now. He hasn’t run anyone over, the restraining order put on him days before the Super Bowl was proved to be mildly extortive and he’s playing on a team that was 18/19ths perfect last season. If anyone deserves it, it’s him. And if this sounds mildly sincere, it’s because it is. I think he should be the cover player for Madden 2009. My only concern is that he may end up like his old pitch and catch partner in Minnesota, Culpepper. Nah. He’s already played for the Raiders.