Andruw Jones Believes Anyone With A Belly As Big As His Will Die Tomorrow

Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers likes to use the word “Tubbo” when he describes Dodgers outfielder Andruw Jones [Ed note: Let's get this dude a Machochip application]. Jones is the size of a Marina Del Rey Humpback whale and doesn’t mind that you’re repulsed by his disregard for fitness. In a recent interview with Simer, Andruw Jones declared stupidly that he doesn’t play for the fans or anyone that boos him, which translates to, “I’ll be the fattest baseball player since Babe Ruth.”

“Have you lost anything?”
“I don’t care,” he said.
I shook my head in disbelief, and he said, “I don’t care what you think.”
“Do you care what anyone thinks?”
“I don’t care,” Jones said.

So he’s upset that a reporter is trying to corner him. Simers should be thankful he didn’t get mauled and left without an arm. Jones is, in fact, merely upset with the media then.

Saturday night the fans in Dodger Stadium booed Jones’ name when the starting lineup was announced. “Don’t you care that the fans in Dodger Stadium have turned on you?”
“No,” he said. “That’s their problem.”
I suggested that it’s not human for someone not to be bothered by booing fans in their own stadium, and he stuck out his tongue and made some noise.
“How do I write that down?” I said.
All together now: “I don’t care,” he said.
Without the fans, I said, there’s no reason for you to be here in Los Angeles playing baseball and no way you’re getting paid $36 million over the next two years.
“I don’t care,” he said. “You play for the team, you don’t play for the fans. The fans never played the game. They don’t know.”

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Gary Sheffield has returned to the Dodgers. And what would Gary Sheffield say to Simers at this point? Probably something about Latinos being puppets or something. Instead, Andruw Jones decided to foretell Simers death.

I reminded Jones that I had lost 14 pounds and even had eaten a doughnut with the 7-Eleven Kid, and how does it look when the team’s center fielder has a bigger belly than the columnist writing about the team?
“Look at your belly hanging out of your shirt,” Jones said. “You’re probably going to die tomorrow.”

Thanks. The end.
Dodgers didn’t get a care package with Andruw Jones [LA Times]
Image [MLB]