David Blaine Is [A] God, Breaks Breath-Holding Record

Extraterrestrial magician David Blaine appeared on the Oprah Whinfrey show and reminded us he is not of this world. Blaine attempted to break the breath-holding record, which stood at 16 minutes and 32 seconds, or the standard breath-holding of a manure farmer, and succeeded by reaching 17 minutes and 4 seconds without a breath of wonderfully scented Oprah Whinfrey air. We assume her shows always smell like baby-powder with a tinge of Elephant’s Musth. Blaine did run into some trouble with his heart-rate, which skyrocketed to 130 bpm because of nerves.

Besides the pressure of performing on television, he explained, there were a couple of other unexpected distractions working in the sphere: A heart-rate monitor happened to be close enough to his so that he heard its beeping, and he had to keep his feet locked in holds at the bottom of the sphere — instead of just floating freely, as he’d done in the pool on Grand Cayman.

Back then he’d said he was so relaxed he “wasn’t even there” during most of the breath-hold. But when he emerged from the sphere today, he told Ms. Winfrey, “I was pretty much here the whole time.”
When she asked him what he’d been thinking about, he replied, “You.”

New York gets the Pope and Chicago gets David Blaine? Life’s so unfair.

David Blaine Sets Breath-Holding Record [NYTimes]