One Lucky Austrian Player Will Be Guaranteed Alcoholism For Life

Being a co-host of Europe’s most prestigious soccer tournament comes with big perks. Namely, Austria’s national soccer team qualified by default for the tournament. More importantly, this is the first time the country will ever be involved in the European games. As a striker, you’d imagine the pressure is mind-splitting. But Ottakringer Brauerei, an Austrian brewery, has devised a savvy plan to inspire both soccer players and countrymen: offer free beer to the first player that scores a goal. Oh yeah. And it’s for a lifetime.

‘Maybe this is the kind of motivation that will give them the last kick our team needs to be successful,’ Ottakringer Brauerei AG chief executive Sigi Menz said in a statement, adding he would personally deliver the (sic) brewers’s supply for the first year.

Maybe. Or you’ll turn an already deranged European soccer player into a raging lunatic…forever. Which takes us to who we think might get the prize/deserves it. And there he was, staring at us from his ESPN profile: Austria midfielder Jurgen Saumel.

Those cross-eyed peepers are craving a life’s supply of booze, man.
A lifetime’s free beer to first Austrian scorer [ESPN]
Image 1 [Visiting Vienna]
Image 2 [ESPN]