Randomocity: Hard Rock Theme Park Doesn’t Sell Acid Trips

We really didn’t know what to make of the Red Hot Chili Peppers music blasting through the loudspeakers of Space Mountain at Disneyland in Anaheim, Ca a few years back. But we guess it’s a sign of the times. Ever seen Picasso’s “Guernica” as wallpaper? Yeah. Fucker is rolling in his grave! So when we read this weekend that a Hard Rock Theme Park exists somewhere in mulletlandia, we cringed. A few reasons why:

Bob Marley:

Nearby, Jay Roberts, 54, watched his 4-year-old granddaughter, Ava, splash around on Reggae River Falls, which reinterprets the tough Kingston streets that gave rise to Bob Marley, presenting them as a water-soaked playground.

Where’s the weed? Hailie Selasse? Or the dudes from Rockers? Oh, and we hardly believe Kingston is a water park back in Jamaica. Just imagine the visitors who fly to Kingston after visiting the Hard Rock Theme Park.
Trademark pieces:

A water ride called Slippery When Wet and a 50-foot-tall model of the Statue of Liberty holding a Zippo lighter in lieu of a torch.

If they’re going to be as cliche as that, then they should also have attendants wearing AC/DC frontman Bon Scott’s signature schoolboy outfit and a wax museum with rockers having orgies and acid-fests a la’ 1969. Too much?
And more:

No rock cliché has gone unnoted in their plans, no song title pun unused. Their park offers an Alice’s Restaurant, a Pinball Wizard arcade, a ride that glows like a black-light poster at night.

Seriously, everyone at the theme park should be as skinny as Mick Jagger. But the best part about this entire thing is the time it took for developers Jon Binkowski and Steven Goodwin to develop their iconic theme park.

The two men said they designed the $400-million 55-acre park in about two hours at a Kinko’s in Hollywood, Calif.

We wouldn’t shun it until we visit it, but all of this reeks of, for lack of a better word, shit. Though, the picture below is cool.

Ya get it?

Did Bob Marley grow up in a water park? [NY Times]
Images [NY Times]