Machogear: Make Your Crappy Wine Into Good Wine (Sorry, Boxed Wine Not Included In This Offer)

England’s Casey Jones has taken the blueprint for his new invention straight outta the gospel. Jones’ new Ultrasonic Wine Ager uses sonic technology for alcoholic alchemy, changing your cheap bottle of Ripple into a fine Chilean Almaviva. Sure, the £350 suggested price tag is a little steep (about $620 American) , but think of the money we can save on the back end. If Jones’ machine works like he claims, Mad Dog 20/20 and Boone’s Farm Sparkling Raspberry might become something you can serve to a date, at least if you didn’t show ‘em the bottle (here’s a tip: don’t.)

“This machine can take your run-of-the-mill £3.99 bottle of plonk and turn it into a finest bottle of vintage tasting like it costs hundreds. It works on any alcohol that tastes better aged, even a bottle of paintstripper whisky can taste like an 8-year-aged single malt.”

It’s not water into wine, but it’s damn close. We can’t seem to figure out how to get our hands on one of these bad boys, but we really, really want to take one for a test drive. Chemistry, alcohol and the influences of the New Testament combine in this machine to make you the party Jesus. No price is too high, as far as we’re concerned.
Ultrasound machine ‘turns cheap plonk into fine wine in 30 minutes [Daily Telegraph]
Image [Daily Telegraph]