The Testicle Cookbook Is Chock Full Of Tasty Testicle Recipes

8 October 2008, 11:15 AM. By Carlos Posas

Finally, we have a cookbook that hits below the belt. The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls, authored by Serbian chef Ljubomir Erovic , is a multimedia tome available through online publisher YUDU dealing exclusively with the fine culinary art of ballbag cuisine. Erovic, probably the world’s leading authority on testicle cuisine and the leader of the annual testicle cook-off competition in his home country, is a connoisseur of nut meat, and wants the world to know that testicles can be just as delicious as any other hearty cut.

“All testicles can be eaten,” said Erovic, “except human, of course.”

Whatever you say, buddy. More on the Fear Factor-ish cookbook, plus some gruesome pics and gourmet recipes, after the jump.

In Serbia, testicles are quite a delicacy, and Erovic’s cookbook makes it pretty damn clear that Serbians feel balls work well in just about any recipe. Take, for example, the Testicle Pizza, which appears as any other pizza might, save the huge slices of bull balls layered across the sauce.

“It’s Italian pizza with Serbian balls,” explains Erovic. His recipe for omelet with calf testicles starts, “Remove fine veins from the testicles and put them in boiling water for 2-3 minutes.”

But the book also contains more cordon bleu recipes, such as “Calf Testicles In Wine” (white or red but not sweet) and testicles with bourgignon sauce.

His book contains recipes for testicles from over a dozen different animals: from bulls and pigs to rams, stallions and ostriches. Recipes range from “Pig’s Testicles With Potatoes” to “Bull Testicles With Béchamel Sauce.”

Like with any fine wine or choice cut of meat, Erovic notes that testicles all bring different flavors to the meal.

The tastiest testicles, says Erovic, come from bulls, ostriches or stallions. “Sheep testicles are also delicious,” he says. “But I don’t like boar testicles.”

Well, it’s good to see he can draw the line somewhere. Erovic also points out that testicles have long been considered an aphrodisiac. Eating balls makes balls more potent, if you will. Circle of life.
The book is an online-only work, which actually gives it some unique opportunities to shine technically. For example, you can watch a few videos on the proper preparation of fresh and frozen testicles. And, since it’s totally electronic, you won’t have a testicle cookbook laying around the house, lest a new lady friend see it and freak out, fearing that she might wind up in a cage under your bed or a hefty bag in your garage.

Says Erovic: “Testicles have been enjoyed for so long by so many peoples in so many places that the only strange thing is that no-one before now has ever compiled a comprehensive testicle cookbook.”

I can’t imagine why. We briefly considered finding some balls, making a few recipes and having a few people unwittingly engage in a testicle taste test, but we just couldn’t do it. The first rule of Machochip is “do not feed another man the testicles of any animal, for what goes around comes around.”