Whatever You Do, Never Shake Vitali Klitschko’s Hands While He’s Training

Before our friends starting having kids, we always thought having children was a plan by adults for cheap labor. Now, we’re pretty sure it’s just our friends who aren’t exploiting their kids in some way like WBC heavyweight champ Vitali Klitschko. Klitschki, who just defended his belt against Nigeria’s Samuel Peter, told Reuters that the reason why his hands never swell up completely like most boxers is an old Ukranian secret passed down to him by his old bubbie, and that secret is… baby piss. Yes, Vitali Klitschko’s Ukranian grandmother told him this, probably between their talk about the birds and the bees and dodging enemy grenades. Now he’s using the knowledge and his little boy to get a baby leg up on the competition.

“Baby wee is good because it’s pure, doesn’t contain toxins and doesn’t smell,” the 37-year old boxer told Bild after he won back the WBC title with a technical knockout on Saturday.

“I wrap nappies filled with my 3-year-old son Max’s wee around my fists,” Klitschko said, adding that he got the idea from his grandmother. “The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down.”

We remember when Moises Alou used to pee on his hands after baseball games to cure his blisters, now it’s a boxer’s hand swelling. What other sporting ailments will we find out in the future that piss cures? Will water be replaced by the urine of a 7-year-old Polynesian boy in locker room whirlpools? Will jocks starts pissing themselves because it cures jock itch? Only the future and old grandmas know…!
Champion Klitschko uses infant son’s wet diapers to reduce hand swelling [ESPN]