Maradona Fever Sweeping Scotland (In America We Call It Scabies)

When we saw the BBC headline about “Maradona Mania,” we thought some 28 Days Later-type outbreak had fallen upon the Great Isle that forced people to use their hands inappropriately (”Ouch,” she exclaimed!). But no, it’s was just a report about Diego Maradona’s entry into Scotland where his Argies are about to face off in a friendly for the first time with him as boss. And when he got to Glasgow Airport, he didn’t find an airport full of pitchforks and torches awaiting him from England fans who’d come up to get revenge for the Hand of God goal in ‘86, but a shower of love from the Scots who’d come to give him an Elvis-like Allo.

He signed a few autographs before climbing aboard his bus, and as he sat back in his seat he puffed his cheeks and I read his lips in Spanish: “What a commotion!” He was visibly taken aback by the welcoming committee.

One man, Kevin Schreiner, managed to get his shirt signed by his idol. His voice quivered with emotion: “I don’t have words to explain. I have my whole family here. It’s really incredible… To me and to all Argentines he is a God for us. Not just the Hand of God… Now as our coach hopefully, with his experience, we can get there starting on Wednesday.”

We wish we were kidding, but remember this is a man who has a church named after him. So the road to sainthood is paved with drug overdoses, ballooning weight problems and being wishy-washy with your responsibilities? Then awesome, where do we get to sign up for a Machochip church? Make sure it’s across the street from a 7-11, though. We need to get our Funyuns and weed runs as efficient as possible. People aren’t going to be waitin’ to be saved all day, you know?
Earlier: The Church Of Maradona Surely Has An Awesome Outpatient Rehab Center
Maradona mania grips Scotland [Guardian UK]
Image [Guardian UK]