Open Mic Night: Oscar De La Hoya v. Manny Pacquiao

So far, all the build-up for the December 6th battle between Oscar De La Hoya and Manny Pacquiao has focused on, well, the boxing. We’re certainly guilty, being a sports blog and all, but with a bit web searchin’ and YouTubin’ during the past week we’ve found that the two men have more in common than their pugilistic abilities.
In 2000, with a great bit of fanfare, De La Hoya released a self-title CD of Spanish-language love songs. But you probably didn’t know that Pacquiao is also an accomplished crooner. We’ve compared the works of both men, and are ready to declare a winner in the musical battle of these fistic titans.
Our review, complete with groovy tunes, is after the jump.

First up, we’ll have a look at Oscar’s ballad, “Para Que.”

Apparently not interested in branching out early in his singing career, the boxer De La Hoya fills this video with, you guessed it, boxing imagery. How original. Still, the video does provide a blueprint for Pacquiao’s victory in December: get someone to fuck around with Oscar’s girl, and make sure he can see it from the ring. After hitting the mat, De La Hoya’s lady realizes what she has done and uses her feminine charms to will up on his feet, giving him the strength to decimate his hapless opponent. How romantic. Cheesy boxing metaphors line this video, though we’re particularly fond of a soulful Oscar staring, with a brokenhearted look in his eyes, at a speedbag before the lights in his gym dramatically turn off.
Now, let’s have a look at a 10 minute concert by Pacquiao, featuring a rhythm section backup by his wife, Jinky.

Well, we don’t know what to say here, other than to note that this is not a particularly strong start for Pacman. While his playing is technically sound, Manny’s lyrics are sung in the Filipino Tagalog language, and we cannot understand a single word of it. On top of that, Manny’s vocal delivery makes the words here sound like, at times, he’s just making shit up. The cheesiness of Oscar’s music is balanced by the awfulness of Manny’s, so we’re gonna call things a dead heat so far.
That said, let’s move on and check out another De La Hoya single, “Ven A Mi.”

Sexy Oscar. Rowr. Nothing quite says “I’m here to make your problems go away, baby,” quite like a few burning candles and a couch built for two. It’s also worth noting that nothing says “not very manly” like Oscar’s see-through shirt. Even for a pretty boy, De La Hoya is especially pretty in this clip, and we’d have a hard time believing he was a fighter unless we already knew it beforehand.
What we’ve learned from viewing Oscar’s two entries in our makeshift “battle of the bands” is that his music is mass-produced pop garbage, owing its sound more to the mixing board and less to any real vocal talents on the part of De La Hoya. Macho? No way. We feel like we need a case of beer and a day of football just to get the girlie stink off of us after this.
Can Manny pull out the victory here. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Pacman’s cover of Marc Velasco’s “Ordinary Song.”

Though it’s not a Pacquiao original, we think it’s a perfect fit for him. Self-deprecating and somber, this is Manny signing from the heart. “Hey, maybe I’m not as pretty as that other guy, but I have feelings! I want to love and be loved!” We’re not going to beat you over the head with a metaphor for their upcoming fight, but we think you get the point.
Neither of these guys are ever making it to our iPods here at Machochip headquarters, though Oscar would probably get a few listens over at Guanabee. But our winner, by decision, is Manny Pacquiao.