Bowling Industry Offers To Pimp Barack Obama’s Personal Lane

Well, we all know by now about how bad of a bowler President-Elect Barack Obama is. During the campaign he rolled a 37 in seven frames at one Pennsylvania lane, a performance so disgraceful that the management of the bowling alley where it happened auctioned off the lane as a piece of American history.
Fear not, Barry. The bowling industry wants to help you improve your game, and is even offering to hit you off with a souped-up new lane (seen here) befitting your status as leader of the free world.

Applauding the President-Elect for embracing the great sport of bowling, the leading organizations in the bowling industry are teaming together to help usher in a different kind of change on Capitol Hill — proposing a much-needed “makeover” of the White House Lane that would bring it to the modern 21st century bowling experience.

“Forty years ago, President Nixon made national headlines when he revamped the White House Lane that had first been introduced by Harry Truman. After four decades, it’s fair to say that the lane at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is long overdue for a facelift,” said Jeff Boje, president of the United States Bowling Congress (USBC). “The bowling industry applauds President-Elect Obama for keeping the White House Lane. As a gesture of support and appreciation, we are offering to give the lane a much-needed enhancement and add in all the great amenities that have helped to fuel the continued popularity of bowling and maintain its status as the nation’s number one participatory sport and a great American family activity.”

In an incredible display of non-partisan collaboration that would make any politician blush, the leading organizations within the bowling industry are joining forces to offer to bring the White House Lane to the digital era. The enhanced ultra-modern lane would include a completely new technology surface, cutting-edge bowling balls, a top-of-the-line high definition scoring system and light display, a digital stereo sound system, club seating, Bowlopolis kids digital graphics, and modern electronic bumpers (perfect to help both the President-Elect and his children adopt proper bowling technique).

Given his 37 round, those bumpers would probably be best put to use by Obama himself. Now, by all accounts Barack is more of a basketball man, and available evidence indicates that he won’t be needing the help of that industry to improve his game. But we think Obama should take up the bowling industry on this offer. He will have to campaign again in 2012, and wouldn’t it be much nicer to drop a 270 on some locals and walk out of the bowling alley with your head held high?
Bowling Industry Offers to Help President-Elect Obama ‘Strike’ Change at the White House Lane [PR Newswire]