The NFL Is Going To Be Without, Like, Half Its Players Due To Guns And Drugs

Oof, it’s been a bad couple of days for the NFL. First, we got the Plaxico Burress business going on, and it’s apparently a business that the New York Giants want nothing to do with. The Giants have suspended the sweatpants-to-the-club wearing wide receiver for the rest of the year, and possibly forever, putting him on the reserve/non-football injury list. Also booted has been Dr. Josyann Abisaab, the doc who took care of Burress the night he got shot. She didn’t give the coppers a call when he came in even though she was supposed to by law, so now she’s out of a job and the hosptial in now under scrutiny by everyone from the FDA to the Mayor’s office. Man, they would’ve been better off giving steroids to players, like the six that got busted violating the NFL’s anti-doping policy yesterday. Hijole, we hope those Thanksgiving day ratings were good, at least.

The suspended players were running back Deuce McAllister and defensive linemen Charles Grant and Will Smith of New Orleans; defensive linemen Kevin and Pat Williams of Minnesota; and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston.

You know it’s the drug problem is bad when the long snapper’s using. But notice who’s not on the list—Jamar Nesbit, who was originally in that group of players. If you remember, we told you about Nesbit’s defense that the StarCaps pills he was taking put the banned substance Bumetanide into his system. We wonder why it worked for him, and not the other Saints who also used it as a defense? We wonder what else was in their system, other than the chew chewy cocoa beans in chubby running back McCalister’s blood sample.
Earlier: NFL Player Jamar Nesbit Sues Beverly Hills Socialite Nikki Haskell For Spiking His Diet Pills, Dignity
GIANTS BOOT PLAX FOR REST OF THE YEAR [NY Post]
DOC BENCHED IN GIANT BOO-BOO [NY Post]
Saints’ McAllister, Vikes’ Williamses among suspended [ESPN]