Which Elected Officials Should Put Their Names Up For A Sports Bet?

So we were thinking last night as that whole Luke Ravenstahl/Steelerstahl story was blowing up—why don’t more politicians do this? But not stupidly like Steelersteel, performing the act (and inflicting the damage) on yourself like a Samurai performing Seppuku, only waaay less cool. But the act of trading cheesesteaks and oanges is just so… 20th Century. We have to spice it up somehow, and why not by putting a public official’s heritage on the line? We’ve taken the mayors and, yes, even Mr. Hopey himself, and given them a new twist on their given names thanks to their city team’s blood rivals. Enjoy!

Michael Bloomberg, Mayor Of New York, NY
Sure, he’s not the Giants’ biggest fan, what with trying to single-handedly put Plaxico Burress in jail for the gun charge. But before being ousted by the Philadelphia Eagles this year, the G-Men were the hottest team in the city because, well, they’re they last to win a championship. So next year, to show his allegiance to the men in blue, why doesn’t he put his name on the line based on the outcome of the Giants and Eagles season series. Sure he has more than a 75% approval rating in New York, but it’s balls like this that make national voters take notice of your tough-acting ways when you want to make that run for President. Isn’t that right, possible Mayor of New York, Michael Eagleberg?
Antonio Villaraigosa, Mayor of Los Angeles, CA
Well, this shouldn’t be too much of stretch for the mayor of La-La Land. Antonio Villaraigosa used to have the last name of Villar, but when he got married to his wife, Corina Raigosa, they fused the name together to form Villaraigosa. Huh? Yeah, we don’t get it either. But anyway, the UCLA alum Tony Villar should totally put his half of the name on the line for the Bruins/Trojans match up. But who would the potential Antonio Trojanraigosa go up against—he’s the mayor of the city the schools are in? We vote for Cali State Senator Mark Ridley-Thomas, who not only has a hyphenated name and serves the district that USC falls in, but also is an actual Trojan himself.
Gavin Newsom, Mayor Of San Francisco, CA
Doesn’t it seem that his last name is missing some letters? Why don’t we try to add some via a bet place on next year’s Dodgers/Giants rivalry? We think he’s the perfect man to represent the Giants, being that he’s the mayor of San Francisco… and he directed the San Francisco city-county clerk to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. So yeah, totally the right guy to rep the baseball Giants, Mayor Gavin Dodgersom.

John Hieftje, Mayor of Ann Arbor, MI
Every year when the Ohio State Buckeyes and Michigan Wolverines meet, it’s like a freaking civil war. So why not make one of the mayors of the cities hosting the game cause a huge rift in their family? This year’s game is going to be held in Ann Arbor, which is John Hieftje’s turf. While it wouldn’t be as cool as Columbus’ Mayor Michael B. Coleman changing his name to Michael B. Wolverineman (which would totally be bad-ass), changing Hieftje’s name to John Buckeyeje would have the extra enjoyment for OSU fans because of the -je that would automatically give a “ya!” should to the Buckeyes every time his name’s mentioned.
Thomas M. Menino, Mayor of Boston, MA
This would officially be our favorite name change out of the list because we’d love to see how much pizza could get tossed at Menino by Red Sox fans when he went out. Of course based on their seemingly 9,000 regular season games this upcoming year, Menino’s cognomen would have perfect placement for the Yankee name to be ever so lightly lowered into it. Thomas Yankino—Boston’s mayor or Boston rapper Benzino’s protege? You decide.

Barack Obama, President of the United States
Last but not least is our President-Elect Barack Obama, who has such a hard-on for his South Side Chicago White Sox that it’s hard to imagine him wearing any hat other than his black low-profile cap. Not even Bush 43 had a stronger tie to a baseball team, and he owned the Texas Rangers at one point. And that’s why we think that Barack Obama would totally be into this, visiting the Sox locker room with Ozzie Guillen behind him, urging his team on. Because honestly, he was probably called a lot of bad things on the road to the White House, but most likely nothing as bad as Barack Cubama.