Bloodless Bullfighting Comes To Vegas, Because It’s Just That Classy

A Mexican bloodless bullfighting company is bringing their act to Las Vegas, the first Vegas bullfights in almost 45 years, because apparently there wasn’t enough weird tacky crap already going on in that technicolor nightmare of a “city.” Which of course begs the question: who gives a crap about bloodless bullfighting anyway?

We’ve had our fun around these parts with the unholy “sport” of taunting and killing animals, so this whole bloodless idea has us a bit perplexed. Morally, sure. If you’re not killing the bull and, in fact, going out of your way (with velcro “spears”) to make sure the animal isn’t harmed, that’s perhaps fine. At that point you’re just kind of taunting the bull and, hey it’s your dime fella. We still don’t get the dumb macho bullshit angle on it, since there are a lot more interesting and productive ways to prove your manhood in this day and age, and we’d rather just shut the door on the whole embarrassing aspect of our “culture”, but whatever.

But still, even as we mock, there’s still some residue and awe of the Legend of the Mighty Bullfighter, this beautiful matador moving with an alien grace and beauty and strength, this poetry in motion. Does that exist? Did it ever exist? Probably not, because any video we’ve seen of an actual bullshit just looks brutal and ugly. The draw there is the battle between man and beast. And, yes, there is still some risk in bloodless bullfighting, but watching a guy running around with velcro spears isn’t exactly the stuff of poetry and legend. So, absent the full life-and-death battle, all you’re left with in bloodless bullfighting is its beauty.

Can Vegas bullfighting be beautiful? Well, it’s in the hands of a company that calls itself “Don Bull Productions,” so you tell us. And if the press conference announcing the fights is any indication, this isn’t exactly gonna be the Joffrey Ballet. Is it even legal to have a press conference in Las Vegas without bikini girls? Not that we’re complaining, but if, like, the President happened to be in Vegas when North Korea launched a missile would he have to appear on TV with two girls in feathers on either side of him? Because that would be awesome.

At any rate, the Don Bull fights aren’t on The Strip or anything, but the Equestrian Event Center at the South Point Hotel and Casino is only fifteen minutes away from all that action, and it seems nice enough establishment as far as hotels on deserted stretches of underdeveloped land go. So hurry up and get your plane tickets because the first event is in September, and if you act now you can get the cheap tickets for only…hold on let me check…SIXTY BUCKS?? Wait, that’s just for the cheap seats? The good seats are TWO HUNDRED BUCKS?? They don’t even kill the bull! Nevermind, this is all a load of crap.

Don Bull Productions Official Website