North Korea’s First Beer Commercial: How They Can Keep From Screwing Up The Second One

North Korea debuted their first-ever beer commercial and it is a trip, man.  Full of wacky graphics, weird music, happy dudes guzzling the suds and, uh, are those nuclear scientists working on Taedonggang beer up there? But let’s face facts here, North Korea: What you don’t know about beer commercials could fill a football stadium. Let’s take a look at how abandoning an isolationist stance could really serve you a lot better when it comes to your next attempt at booze marketing.

Where’s The Sexy Ladies?

Nice try with the smiling waitresses in traditional Korean garb, but (like with your weapons systems), North Korea lags way behind the rest of the world in sexy beer commercial imagery. If you’re going to keep the attention of the average beer drinking dude, try looking to the rich history of scantily clad beer ladies. The Swedish Bikini Team and the Coors Light Twins are hall of famers, but to see how far we’ve come in this area you really need to study this Miller Light commercial with two women wrestling in their underpants.  It’s basically pornography, and it’s great.

Also, this commercial for Bavaria shows that Brazil has far surpassed the US in the subgenre of “girl in a bikini that has literally nothing to do with beer” ads.

You Need To Bring More Funny

Sure, claim that Taedonggang beer increases life expectancy may seem like a great, (dishonest), selling point, but would it kill you to have somebody making a joke here or there? That’s the thing dudes associate with beer: getting wasted and laughing your ass off, having a good old time. There are many, many types of funny beer commercials, but for our money, the “people driven beyond their sanity by the desire for our beer” corner of the ad world is always totally killer, (although the North Korean version of this Bud Light commercial just looks really scary.)

We don’t know where North Korea is on the whole postmodern humor thing, but take a nod from any random “Real Men of Genius” Bud Light ad for an example of a good way to pick on yourself while still celebrating the very thing you’re picking on.

Try A Mascot!

You’re off to a pretty good start with that Smiling Korean Worker poster art, but that’s some straight up “My Goodness, My Guinness” WWII area iconography and it’s old news. The current standard bearer is, of course, Dos Equis’ “Most Interesting Man in the World.” And you could do a lot worse than the Budweiser frogs and lizards, the “Wazzup” Guys, or the Red Stripe “Hooray Beer” duo for putting a friendly, recognizable face on your product.  But you really need to go back to the, in retrospect, completely insane Spuds Mackenzie commercials from the 80’s to see how far you can stretch the entertainment value of a funny animal who apparently drinks a lot of beer.

Crazy, right?  Just re-imagine that with, like, a tiger or a woodpecker.  Or Dear Leader. Whatever. It’s your nickel.

For God’s Sake, Make the Product Look Good

Beer commercial directors have made an art form out of gorgeous, cascading shots of beer being poured lovingly into a glass. For certain boozers out there, those shots can be even sexier than the wrestling underpants girls from before: all glistening browns and golds and sweat on the glass. And you are TOTALLY BLOWING IT, NORTH KOREA. Watching your commercial gave us two thoughts: (a) apparently no one in North Korea knows to tip the glass to reduce foam and (b) Taedonggang beer looks like thin, watery crap. You can do better than this, man, and the templates are everywhere. Budweiser’s attempts at this are almost comical in their reverence, so best to study up by watching pretty much every Sam Adams commercial ever made. THIS is how you photograph beer with proper reverence:

Anyway, good luck with all that beer marketing in the future. If you need any further assistance please feel free to kidnap whoever did those Amstel Light ads with that annoying “Chelsea Dagger” song, because oh how it will keep you up at night.

North Korea’s first beer commercial [Foreign Policy]