Obama’s Taste In Beer Could Derail Race Relations Forever, Apparently

President Obama is hopefully putting this whole stupid Henry Louis Gates thing behind us all with a simple enough proposition: a friendly conversation with the Harvard Prof and his arresting officer, over a few beers, at The White House. But now, of course, there’s some mini-controversy over what brand of beer they should drink, because we’ve awakened in a Lewis Carroll-esque nightmareland where a couple of dudes having a beer has to become some big horrible procedure.

Why, America? Why why why?? This could be so very simple; just a couple of dudes having a beer, talking it out, shaking hands, going on their merry way. It’s just about the least complicated event in all of the Manhood Universe. But this is American politics, in a post-”arugula” age, so we have to be subjected to dumb things like this from ABC News:

Blue Moon, however, could be a problematic pick for the Democratic president, because while it is marketed as a small craft beer, it was actually created by Coors and today owned by MillerCoors. The Coors family has been a long-time supporter of the Republican party. Additionally, the AFL-CIO ran a decade-long boycott of the company’s beer in the late 1970s and early ’80s.

Being the President has got to be the most frustrating profession in the world. We would assume that President Obama looks forward to talking about nuclear war with North Korea, because it’s less frustrating than dissecting the electoral implications of every single thing you look at, touch, eat, drink, smell, and wear. See, the logic goes, Obama can’t pick a snooty “craft” beer because America will hate that, so he has to go with, like, a Budweiser (which Press Secretary Robert Gibbs spoke about at length yesterday, to help with the President’s “regular guy” image.)

Also, hilariously, the two men in question can’t even see eye-to-eye on the whole beer situation. The Boston Herald says Sergeant Crowley likes Blue Moon, but Professor Gates likes Red Stripe, because he is basically a Black Separatist. Will consensus ever be found?

Adding to the confusion is this conflicting report from ABC News where Gates’ attorney said the professor doesn’t drink beer. Was that an honest mistake, or is he doing some spin, perhaps trying not to make his client out as a hot-head alcoholic or something? It’s a truism, but does a glass of suds really tells us all that much about a guy?

Crowley’s regular bartender recommends a nice Sam Adams Summer Ale, and Obama’s into Honker’s Ale, and we’d be pretty happy with either one of those, but that’s hardly the point. Really, we’re just glad that Walter Cronkite did not survive to see this sad day in America. In fact, we wouldn’t be altogether that shocked if he clawed his way out of his coffin, dug six feet up out of his grave, and just started bellowing with all of his undead might, “What does it possibly fucking matter what beer they drink? There’s two wars and a recession! What the hell happened to the news in this country?”

Frothy Diplomacy: What Beer Will Obama Choose for White House Meeting? [ABC News]