Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi Shows American Politicians, Sleazy Men Everywhere How It’s Done

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is, of course, an absolute unapologetic sleaze and a horror to behold, but as far as “spin” goes American politicians could really take a lesson from The Master. The guy’s been caught on tape, on camera, and in testimony with prostitutes, and instead of clutching a Bible and begging for forgiveness the guy just basically says, “I’m horny, what can you do?” And that’s the end of it.

The American version of this ritual is so ingrained that, at this point, it’s basically automated: politician shows up at press conference, talks about public service and love of state/country, talks about great mistake they’ve made, points to dutiful wife at his side, admits wrongdoing and begs forgiveness, and asks for privacy at this time. The overall feeling, by necessity, is one of castration. It’s what the people want: “I’ve been a bad boy with my dirty parts, and I feel terrible and dirty, and I’ll never do it again.”

Compare that to Berlusconi speaking at an event today inaugurating construction of a highway outside of Milan. The 72-year old PM went the exact opposite direction, which may not make any legal hay or help his reputation any, but goddammit at least he’s going out his way.

The “Apology”:

There are a lot of pretty girls about. I am no saint but you know that.

There you go! Why say you’re sorry when you can just say you can’t help it? A leopard can’t change his spots, eh? And why not kind of blame it on the girls for being so pretty while you’re at it, like Nicholson’s character talking about the underage girl he boffed in Cuckoo’s Nest?

Spreading the Wealth Around:

(It is) not just showgirls who come to my house but heads of state too.

Probably he was trying to class up the image of his parties, but really he’s just taken all those heads of state down a notch with him. There is far too little of this in Washington. How great would it have been if, when Elliott Spitzer had been busted, he just started naming names. “You’re going down with me, Bruno!”

The Defense

Guests at some of the parties have taken photos on their mobile phones that have since ended up in the papers, but phones were never confiscated because I have nothing to hide. As long as I’m present, nothing inelegant can happen because I’m a person of good taste, culture and elegance.

He says this after incontrovertible evidence of his “inelegance” is all over the world, because he knows he can. What if Larry Craig just went this direction, trying to claim that he couldn’t have been picking up dudes in trashy airport bathrooms, because he’s just way too classy for that. Flying in the face of any semblance of reality is way underrated.

The Opposition

The hunter who is attacking has become the hunted because they have lost credibility and votes.

Again, we have way too little of this kind of imagery in the US, with all this phony bipartisan “my friends on the Left would have you believe” and whatnot. Tell it like it is! Call them wolves!

But It’s All About The People

Let’s forget about all this low level stuff that does not injure me at all. I’m absolutely convinced that the Italians are not the blockheads the Left would like to make out.

See, it’s a double: first he calls investigations into him consorting with hookers “low level stuff” and then uses the word “blockhead,” which is just great. Contrast this with Mark Sanford laying prostrate and tear-soaked on the ground, consulting with God, never once figuring out to say, “Hey, none of you give a crap about this, right?” It’s actually not dissimilar to how Clinton handled this aspect of his own sex scandal, which is why he ended up polling in the high 60’s at the time.

So there you have it, US politicians and men the world over. None of this will make you a better person, of course, and you will still be absolutely reviled by all the smart kids. But who knows? The half of the population that isn’t even paying all that much attention could wind up on your side just because they like the cut of your jib. Think about it.

Berlusconi breaks his silence over sex scandal [Daily Mail]