The Beauty Of Being A Boor: Chappaquiddicking People Over Teddy-Style
26 August 2009, 6:01 PM. By Alejandro Paz
Not sure if you’ve heard, but Ted Kennedy died last night and we seem to be INCALCULABLY saddened by such news. Yes, we have truly lost an American hero. But we would be remiss without noting that Ted Kennedy was what his brothers never lived to fully become: A murderous, drunken, womanizing boor. Of historic proportions. That’s the kind of hero we can believe in.
This Strong Liberal Man also had a strong liberal cock, a strong liberal alcohol addiction, a strong liberal proclivity to lie about murdering/abusing/sexing girls and a strong liberal fat ass. What’s more is that he was extremely successful at living his dream of champion of the people by day, murderous drunken fucker of young women by night. Is there a better way to be? Ish don’t think so.
Are you all like, omg, leave him alone, he’s dead and he was so old and so great and he had brain cancer, and he’s a Kennedy, they’re cursed, blabbity blah blah? Well, yeah. Fuck that.
Here’s a few choice Teddy moments that make our skin crawl with jealous delight.
Dining
This fun adventure takes place at La Brasserie, a favorite Kennedy spot in DC.
It is after midnight and Kennedy and Dodd are just finishing up a long dinner in a private room on the first floor of the restaurant’s annex. They are drunk. Their dates, two very young blondes, leave the table to go to the bathroom. (The dates are drunk too. “They’d always get their girls very, very drunk,” says a former Brasserie waitress.) Betty Loh, who served the foursome, also leaves the room. Raymond Campet, the co-owner of La Brasserie, tells Gaviglio the senators want to see her.
As Gaviglio enters the room, the six-foot-two, 225-plus-pound Kennedy grabs the five-foot-three, 103-pound waitress and throws her on the table. She lands on her back, scattering crystal, plates and cutlery and the lit candles. Several glasses and a crystal candlestick are broken. Kennedy then picks her up from the table and throws her on Dodd, who is sprawled in a chair. With Gaviglio on Dodd’s lap, Kennedy jumps on top and begins rubbing his genital area against hers, supporting his weight on the arms of the chair. As he is doing this, Loh enters the room. She and Gaviglio both scream, drawing one or two dishwashers. Startled, Kennedy leaps up. He laughs. Bruised, shaken and angry over what she considered a sexual assault, Gaviglio runs from the room. Kennedy, Dodd and their dates leave shortly thereafter, following a friendly argument between the senators over the check.
That’s the way to treat a waitress. For surely.
Causing a Ruckus
Kennedy would often get into dust ups when he’d had too much of the sweet sauce.
One East Coast playboy recalls an incident a few years ago in a popular Palm Beach bar when “a definitely drunk” Kennedy shoved him against the bar and spilled his beer as the senator rushed out the door with a blonde so young, the man at first mistook Kennedy for an angry father come to take home an underage daughter. Dropping in for a 2 A.M. drink in the Manhattan bar American Trash in January 1989, Kennedy reportedly got into a shouting match with an obnoxious (and possibly intoxicated) off-duty bouncer, which climaxed with the senator’s throwing his drink in the other fellow’s face. Unkind Boston Herald columnist Howie Carr writes of Kennedy as “Fat Boy” and says it isn’t really considered summer in Cape Cod until the senator drives on the sidewalk for the first time.
Sounds like every night we go out.
Killing People
No one has ever tried or convicted Ted Kennedy for the murder of Mary Jo Kopechne. But the alleged accident does have all the hall marks of a our hero’s Teddy-style, like: a childish belief that the rules of human behavior do not apply to himself, a casual willingness to place himself in a compromising position with an attractive young woman and, most probably, a reckless use of alcohol.
Kennedy has never told anything close to the whole story of Chappaquiddick, the details of which were covered up by Kennedy associates with the help of compliant local authorities, but he has denied that he was driving drunk, or on his way to an assignation when he turned down the deserted dirt road to Dike Bridge. No writer who has seriously studied the events of the night—and there have been many—has believed him. Leo Damore, whose 1988 book, Senatorial Privilege: The Chappaquiddick Cover-Up, is the most thorough examination of the accident, offers strong evidence that Kennedy was probably drunk behind the wheel and probably on his way to a tryst (not, as he claimed, to the ferry to Martha’s Vineyard). Indeed, it is otherwise difficult to explain the actions Kennedy himself called “irrational and indefensible and inexcusable and inexplicable”: leaving the party alone with Kopechne and without his driver; failing to notice that the had taken a ninety-degree turn that led down a very bumpy dirt road away from the smooth asphalt road that led to the ferry; never calling the police for help in rescuing the trapped drying Kopechne but relying solely and clandestinely on his two closest aides; and failing to report the accident until after it was discovered ten hours later.
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta and/or a rich, white man from a beloved family.
(17) 
Post Your Comment
Did you know you can now share a link, image or video?
Click to submit your own notas.
classy.
Classy or not: Kudos.
Thank you.
I read about all the good….but, this shit just overshadows for me.
Compartmentalization at it’s utmost.
While he lobbied for women in congress, he treated them like shit in his personal life. ugh. Can’t feel it for him.
I’m sorry that Dunne died on the same day. He deserves more attention
Dominick Dunne wouldn’t have had a job if it weren’t for people like Ed Kennedy. Not to mention he was an alcoholic asshole (his own words), too.
Que pendejada. You’re an idiot, Paz. Sen. Kennedy has done more for Latinos in the USA than any and all politicians put together. You probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him (well maybe you would, because you’re probably from “exiled” stock, but the rest of us wouldn’t). Get over your Playa Giron grudge and respect what this man has done for the whole of the American Latino community.
Actually, what’s boring is talking about Kennedy’s fuck ups. In fact, Google his name now and you’ll be hard pressed to find an article that doesn’t mention Chappaquiddick. Which is why I chose to focus on the positive in my article–of which there was an overwhelming amount. The guy made fabulous mistakes, but that’s probably what drove him to bend over backwards to help those less fortunate than him. Most people are that way.
Funny, you were bored with my post, and I was bored with yours. Call me crazy, but I find all that drunken negligent homicide shit a tad fascinating. I respect some of his accomplishments, but my sadness over his death is calculable. It equals zero.
Fascinating 20 years ago. The point is, it’s well worn territory.
40 years ago, even. Paz’s chooses to ignore the 40 years of accomplishments that redeemed this man. He has made his amends and then some.
@ other guest: I’m sure the woman at the bottom of the rivers’ family would disagree that his accomplishments cancel out her death.
Yeah, what they said. That, and, a month ago you took pretty much the opposite stance when I gently chided Berlusconi for fucking whores.
http://anyguey.guanabee.com/2009/07/silvio-berlusconi-no-saint
“What does being smart have to do with absolutely reviling a person’s penchant for hot chicks? Seems like a prudish stance. Not a smart one.” But now let’s get all fussy about the guy’s “strong liberal cock.” Oh please. I’m talking about a political and legislative accomplishments, not a personal history that I could give a shit about.
Dude, first of all, nobody’s getting fussy about his strong liberal cock. How does one fuss over a cock?
My comment to you re Berlusconi was challenging your nonsensical and undeveloped conclusion that you didn’t make in your post, but attempted to in your response to me.
You and Cindy seem to be firmly entrenched up Ted Kennedy’s dead ass and that’s cool. Obviously, there are a bunch of people there with you. I am more interested in how this guy was a murderous, drunken, womanizing boor. Of historic proportions. Oh right, I already said that directly. But unlike you guys, I did it without getting preachy.
You’re an asshole. There I said it, without getting preachy.
but you did do it while getting personal. always the mark of good journalist. this whole thing really just reads of a desperate attempt to grab attention by going counter to the logical analysis.
and it seems to have worked for you. what is the view like from the pinnacle of your career?
Dude, as Iggy Pop said: “Nihilism is best left to professionals.” Bush league, Paz. You’re bush league.
He is most definitely a hero to Latinos, mostly because he reminds of our fathers. The drinking, the womanizing…the fat-ass-ness. Ah memories…I think I’ll give my dad a call.
Puta madre! Just make sure you don’t do my eulogy, For those of you fucks who put down a latino for telling like it is and praising that fat fuck ass hole as a mexican’s best friend should look to our own and support them. I am fucking tired of your ass kissing “Patronismo” bullshit. The guy was a rich fuck who never lacked for a godamn thing in his life.