Study Shows That Kids Like Their Porn Just Like The Rest Of Us

A company that provides kiddie internet monitoring for anxious parents tracked 3.5 million searches on their service earlier this year and guess what? Kids are all excited about searching for their Miley Cyrus and their Taylor Swift and Disney and Club Penguin and whatnot. Oooh - and also porn. Lots and lots of porn.

The study was conducted from February to July of this year by OnlineFamily.Norton, one of those services that does the Big Brother-y computer monitoring that’s necessary for most parents in This Day And Age. Norton makes no specific claim as to the age of the participants, only that they are clients who currently use their services. The top search keywords read like so:

1. YouTube
2. Google
3. Facebook
4. Sex
5. MySpace
6. Porn
7. Yahoo
8. Michael Jackson
9. Fred (A popular fictional character whose YouTube channel has become a hit among kids.)
10. eBay

First of all, it is indicative of the coming societal apocalypse that, rather than type out “Facebook.com”, kids would rather just Google “Facebook” and let the computer save them those four keystrokes. These are the people who will be running the hospitals you die in.

Secondly, it is of course totally natural that kids are gonna be curious about s-e-x, and we think it’s adorable that they’re searching for “sex” and “porn” rather than, say, “brunette college lesbian shower.” So much to learn!

Sex is all over this list, and most of it is just twee good fun. It’s quite telling that the search term “boobs” (#28) ranks much higher than the more vulgar “pussy” (#72.) Also, adorably, “girls” ranks five slots higher than “naked girls,” which just shows a lack of initiative.

Anyway, good luck out there kids. There’s a whole world of incredible internet porn out there waiting for you, once you get out of the house, so try not to overload on it all at once. And while your generation might have the world of carnal desires at your fingertips, just take a moment from your furious masturbating to remember the simple pleasures, like finding an old discarded Hustler out behind the gym. Those were the days, and we lived them well.

School’s Out and Your Kids Are Online [OnlineFamily.Norton]
The Top 100 Search Terms Queried by Kids [ReadWriteWeb]