Dastardly President Obama To Ruin Brazil’s Chances Of Hosting Their First-Ever Olympics

Did you know that South America has never hosted the Olympics? Sad but true, and now it looks like Brazil has a genuine shot at the 2016 Summer Games. Of course, they’re up against Chicago, which means intervention by a certain silver-tongued Hopesmith who’s just gonna ruin everything.

It’s been sixteen years since Brasilia had to drop out of Olympic contention for the 2000 games, following a disastrous inspection by the International Olympic Committee Inspection Group. But a lot has changed since then, and Rio de Janeiro has proven itself worthy after successfully hosting the Pan Am games in ‘06, with the World Cup coming along in 2014. This has set up a showdown between Rio and three other cities when the IOC votes on October 2, and a few days ago President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva announced that he will travel to Copenhagen to lobby for his country in person. He joins King Juan Carlos of Spain lobbying for Madrid and (possibly) Japan’s crown prince on behalf of Tokyo.

That just leaves fourth and final contender Chicago and their resident national cheerleader, The Leader of the Free World. He’s remained coy so far, and White House adviser Valerie Jarret (who is heading up the Obama administration’s Olympic lobbying) has refused so far to commit to a personal appearance by The President, saying that he’s just really super busy. But this quote really gives the game away:

“Telecasting our last, home-stretch strategy doesn’t seem to be prudent,” Jarrett told Bloomberg. “We want to win. We’re not interested in coming in second, third or fourth.” However, Jarrett went on to say the President’s time is valuable and “he has an awful lot on his plate.”

Oh who do they think they’re kidding? This is right up Obama’s alley, man. Just ask John McCain; he’ll tell you. Obama’s gonna play it cool the whole time. “Oh, I don’t know for sure. What is that, a Wednesday? Wednesdays are always so bad for me…”

There President Lula will be, bending some IOC official’s ear off about modernized infrastructure or whatever, and then here comes Obama out of nowhere, all smiles in shirt sleeves, shaking hands while women faint in his presence. He’ll roll up on Marine One with the band Chicago, and also Jeff Tweedy, and before Lula can even wipe the sweat off his brow he’ll hear the devastating words, “Let me introduce you to my friend Oprah.”

The IOC has traditionally favored bids by more stable, industrialized cities, which is a good portion of why South America has gotten the cold shoulder for so long. But this is Rio’s moment, and it could do a lot for helping the self-proclaimed “developing” nation become a greater player on the international stage. Plus, as they’ve argued, the World Cup provides a perfect opportunity to work out any kinks. So come on, Obama. Leave Rio aloooooooone. They deserve the chance to lose a ton of money hosting the Olympics just like everybody else.

Brazil’s president to push Rio bid in Copenhagen [AP]
Olympics: Obama still won’t commit
Rio’s Olympic Bid - Taking the Games To New Ground [HuffPo]