Alex Vs. Alex: Birth Control Through Castration And/Or Menstruation

Much is made about how Latinos and Latinas, while both spicy and/or tamales, are worlds apart when it comes to having sex through a sheet on their wedding night. But, as (self-) certified sex experts female Alex A. & male Alex P. show, we’re not really so different. Things might get touchy from time to time, but the Alexes on the Sexes always remain congenial. Or congenital, as it were. Let’s all come together, shall we?

He-Alex: Are you jealous that men don’t have to take birth control?

She-Alex: Like, the pill? No jealousy there. I’d never trust birth control with anyone but myself. That’s not to say I don’t think men shouldn’t have the opportunity - and be encouraged - to take a male pill. If and when it’s made available.

He-Alex: But, right, they don’t have the opportunity, and women have graciously taken on that burden, so men legitimately expect that their lady friends will do the sex juice neutralizing, no?

She-Alex: Right now, it’s a legitimate expectation. Unless you’re a couple in it for the long haul. In which case other opportunities present themselves.

He-Alex: Like a vasectomy? Yikes. That means they chop your ball wires up, right?

She-Alex: Mmm hmm. “A minor surgical procedure wherein the vasa deferentia of a man are severed, and then tied or sealed in a manner such to prevent sperm from entering the seminal stream (ejaculate).” I am thinking vasa deferentia will be my burlesque name.

He-Alex: Haha, oh yeah that could work. You def would be captivating to scientists. And ball enthusiasts.
But, ok, this whole vasectomy thing sounds way worse than taking a pill. It’s surgery. ON YOUR BALLS. If women are already down with taking the pill, isn’t a vasectomy just double coverage?

She-Alex: Well, a woman can always decide not to take the pill. After all, the side effects are unpleasant. Not the least of which, in some cases, is an increased risk of developing various types of cancer. That’s irreversible. Many vasectomies can be reserved by reattaching the severed ends of my new alias.

He-Alex: Ay, yai yai, that sounds risky. Is the burlesque organ of the body really that reliable? Plus, you’re not gonna get me with causing cancer; everything causes cancer. Just eat your antioxidants.

I’d be down with taking the pill if it weren’t for worries about hormone imbalances; all I got is my hormones!

She-Alex: Yeah, it’s not exactly a picnic being at the mercy of hormones every month. It can range from feeling easily irritated to not being able to get out of my bed due to crippling depression (which, of course, means one must consult one’s doctor and get that sorted out). But no matter what form of hormonal birth control a woman takes, she’s going to have to expect a deviation from “normalcy,” whatever that meant for her.

He-Alex: So then you’re saying you’re jealz then, huh? Cause the one thing I do have going for me is a constant connection with my balls. And if I were taking the pill, I’d likely be half the man I used to be.

She-Alex: Like I said, I’m not jealous. I’ve got plenty of balls. The way I see it, birth control isn’t a male / female thing. It’s an “I don’t trust any damn person who isn’t me” situation. And I can picture that, were I able to get someone pregnant, I would do everything in my power to avoid having that happen if I didn’t want it. Because mistakes happen. The pill isn’t 100% effective. People forget to take them. People say they’re taking them and then do not. It’s about taking responsibility for your own sex life.

He-Alex: Okok, yeah totally. But men don’t have the power to get someone pregnant without a fertile womb to receive them. So for us, it’s like why put up with the drama of fucking with our hormones or worse, CHOPPING OFF OUR BALLS to prevent something that women should already be preventing themselves?

She-Alex: A womb on birth control, like I said, isn’t infertile. The bill merely tricks your body into “thinking” it is pregnant by introducing hormones that are present during pregnancy. And, well. “Should” is different from acting as if something is a mandate. If I decide I no longer want to take hormones every day (or weekly, in the case of rings and things), that’s a perfectly legitimate choice. I’m taking birth control to take care of my body and my future. If, at some point, I feel it’s not doing either or both of those things, I will stop. And then what?

He-Alex: Babies? But yeah, I get that out in the world, it’s just about a fleeting trust and most of the time, men wear connies cause they don’t want the clap anyway. But that said, I’m sure I’ve got a few illegitimates out there, living the Paz way. You’re talking about when two people are together, the clap is cured and you’ve got to do some family planning. You seem to be saying that at that point, since women have bore the burden, it’s the man’s turn to get the vasectannhilation or take a would-be pill.
Like many things in a long term relationship, once you’re committed, it’s the man’s turn to pay. And I don’t mean for dinner, I mean like, no sex, more chores, no more lingerie pajamas.

She-Alex: It’s more than just about being in a committed relationship and that altering the dynamics of responsibility. It’s about taking control of one’s body. It is, ultimately, my choice to take birth control. It isn’t my responsibility, and it isn’t a mandate. By allowing men an easier way of taking on part of that task, it allows both men and women to have a role - and a voice - in sex for pleasure and for reproduction. If I decided, for whatever reason, not to take birth control and my partner or partners decide not to use some form of birth control or contraception, then, simply put, I’m not going to have sex with that person. I made a choice and I deal with the consequences of it. Which is why I’m currently on birth control in the first place.

He-Alex: Right, and so doesn’t this boil down to the fact that women are the ones that get pregnant? Regardless of the ramifications of the resultant child, sex for men will never result in nine months of a womb troll inhabiting their insides. And that makes a difference. If you’re against taking the birth control pill and the only people that want to fuck you are too, then you’re not going to get fucked but those guys will find other women who will handle the bc.

It may not be a mandate, but you are deeply incentivised to take measures into your own hands.

She-Alex: Well, then again. When I try to think of it from the man’s point of view, do I want someone else making a decision about my future? My financial future? Not really. So I’m going to do all I can, short of abstaining entirely, to make sure I don’t produce a new person that I’m not going to want to provide for.

He-Alex: You’re implying that it’s a power issue for men. Like, if we had a birth control pill, we’d be more empowered over our offspring and that’s why we’d want it. But isn’t a richer form of power to be able to impose that burden upon women? Especially when we know the incentives are aligned such that women don’t want babies either. Like I said, if I’m fucking a new chick (read: every night), I’m wearing a condom for the first few times, but once you know someone, the true power is in not having to worry about it and cause the other person has it covered. It’s like the dishes or tortilla making.

She-Alex: Well, if that’s the argument, why wouldn’t women want that too? I, personally, don’t find that line of thinking appealing or liberating because, like I said, I don’t trust anyone else to make my decision for me. I want to make the decisions that impact my sexual health. I want to have power over the situation, whether this means physically and actively taking means to prevent pregnancy myself, or feeling that I can stop taking birth control without my partner throwing his hands up in the air, frustrated, as if he’s powerless when it comes to doing something on his own.

And if he does do this, like I said, that’s a shame. Because it means he and I won’t be having sex again.

He-Alex: I get why you don’t want to trust a man to handle whether or not you get pregnant. But men don’t mind trusting women to not get pregnant because they generally know when women don’t want to get pregnant. You might want to stop taking the pill and be like hey man, get your vasa deferentia severed to prove you love me or else no more sex and sure, that’s power.

The ONLY reason I could see why a man would want a birth control would be if they’re banging a lot of gold diggers and want to make sure they don’t catch a child support payment. Otherwise, it’s easier to leave it to the womb troll fearing women.

She-Alex: It has nothing to do with proving anything. Or love. I brought up committed relationships because I wouldn’t suggest the possibility of surgically altering one’s body unless we both knew it was to ensure some sort of long-term, future benefit.

And, yes, I’m sure it is easier. It’s easy to sit back and let someone else take on the burden of dealing with birth control. I’m not saying male birth control pills should be mandated. But it would be helpful and beneficial to have it as an option.

Power, to me, means being able to be in charge of your ability to reproduce - or not. And to not leave it up to your partner in each and every case. Even when trust is in place. And it doesn’t just have to be specifically in the act of taking a pill. Men in hetero relationships, for example, can play a role by offering to pay for birth control, which is expensive. Or by learning about cycles and menstruation. Or by even saying, hey, I know this must be tough and unpleasant.

He-Alex: Well, sure, I have been and will be down for that. I get that it’s a burden. I’m just saying that there’s a reason men don’t have the birth control pill as an option. We wouldn’t buy it.

She-Alex: (Witty response. You’re a dick. Commenter shout out.)

And, with that, we open it up to you, breeders. And, remember, if you have any questions for us for next week, email us at either alejandra@guanabee.com or alejandro.paz@guanabee.com. Or you can find us each on Twitter.