Mark Sanchez Fails On MNF: How Will We React?

Oh fuckety fuck. The Caribbean Chupacabras, led by white devil Chad Henne and his crew of eager running backs defeated the almost-soon-to-be-greatest Mexican quarterback of all time, Mark Sanchez, his shiny new receiver Braylon Edwards and Los Jets de Nueva York. It was going well at first, but the Jets D couldn’t stop the Dolphins attack and Mexi-Mark couldn’t get it to the end zone on the final Hail Mary. Shoulda been praying to Jesus? Let’s see how y’all took the game.

And it was ridiculous. The pair got 1 touchdown, 1 near touchdown and 1 almost touchdown each that led to scores for the Jets and kept them in the game. And EVVerybody was loving it. Even Dolphins fan and USMNT superstar Jozy Altidore was showing the love.

We bet even JLo looked past her Puerto Ricanness and cheered for our homey. It was going well. But like a lubeless handjob from a drunk chick, blind praise can rub people the wrong way.

Damn Chalele. Why you gotta be like that? It’s Hispanic Heritage Month, ain’t it? What’s that even mean? How would a Mexican react differently to a game like this than any other person?

Oh. Right. Yeah, we’d do that too. And then came the Dolphins last touchdown and a frighteningly weakass pass from the Sanchize on a Fail Mary.

Hmph. Don’t got a lot to argue on that. Shoulda given Braylon a shot to catch it in the end zone, not 10 yards short. But don’t get too down on the big homey.

Agreed. There will be many more battles to come and Markito Bonito is gonna bring the poise-infused heat every week. But wait. One last thing that was nagging at us during this game.

For real, right? It’s not like his damn name is Mark Quetzalcoatl. Get it right people.