Jennifer Lopez Blocks Sex Tape Release, Tops Our List Of Sex Tapes We Want To See

So we’ve all heard that JLo’s ex-husband of yester-decade, Ojani Noa is trying to sell ELEVEN HOURS of footage which is rumored to contain him and Jenny doing all kinds of nasty things from the block. On Monday, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge James C. Chalfant issued a preliminary injunction preventing the public release of the tape to allow further review by the court. The Judge is currently entranced by that review in his chambers, equipped with baby oil, a box of tissues and the soundtrack to Gigli.

While we wait in eager anticipation, we’re thinking of other celebs that must have a thrilling sex tape lurking in a shoebox or hard drive of some former servant or jilted lover. Let’s take a journey into our dreams.

J-Lo and Jackie Guerra.

You know this happened on the set of Selena. Think of the flesh on flesh action. It’d be like Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes except in Spanish.

Shakira and Wyclef.

This is guaranteed released in the next two years. Our Loba is still rocking the charts and Wyclef is a balding has-been. Hips don’t lie, but Wyclef does. Do the math.

Madonna and Jesus.

This is just too obvs to avoid. Madonna’s veiny dragon hands versus Chuy’s supple virgin ass. It’d be like a horror movie of sex tapes, but you couldn’t look away.

Shaquille O’Neal and Serena Williams.

Ok, call us racist. We prefer the term blackophiles. But can you think of a better match? This pairing would move mountains. The orgasms on this vid would break the subwoofer in your surround sound.

Tom Cruise and Will Smith.

Everybody knows Jada Pinkett Smith rubs one out to this video every night. Share it with the world!