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The Karate Kid Remake Or: How Hollywood Plans To Ruin Your Childhood
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Are you for freakin' real? We knew that The Karate Kid remake was in the works and that it would star Will Smith's son, but come on now! This is just too much. Here, watch the trailer first, and then we'll discuss:
Alright, so it's not all bad, right? We mean, if anyone's going to play the Mr. Miyagi character, who better than Jackie Chan to take over Pat Morita's character? Dude's funny and he knows his martial arts. It also makes sense that the flick is set in China. The country is a world power now.
But what really gets our ass hairs in a twist is that the protagonist is a 12 year-old kid instead of an adult actor playing a teenager. How can we, as full grown adults, go watch this movie and not feel like pervy pervs when Jaden finally kisses the girl? Way to ruin this for us, Hollywood.
The most offensive part? Lil' Jaden saying, "Oh I get it. You're like Yoda and I'm like a Jedi." No, motherfucker! He's like Mr. Miyagi and you're Daniel-san. If you're going to remake the damn movie, at least have the decency to reference the original. Fucking kids with their fucking lack of knowledge about anything. Gah, it's not even noon yet and we already need a drink.
What do you think?
- LOL
- CHISPAS
- AY DIOS MIO
- QUE CUTE
- NERDO
- NACO
- CURSI
- QUE COOL
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Comments
Fidel, my young padawan, much anger do you have, and you know what anger leads to... Perhaps a hugely obvious and direct reference to the original such as actually making the Miyagi/Daniel analogy, would be too much, since it seems like the movie wants to take itself somewhat seriously. At least the trailer shows us there is a bit of self-referential material via the catching the fly with chopsticks scene. It is kind of subtle for those who haven't seen the first, so it is not entirely obvious, but doesn't that play into how smart they want their audience to be?
ReplyDude, there was already a terrible KK with a chick. (Hilary Swank) This remake will be better than than The Next Karate Kid by a country mile.
ReplyHere's the thing, though. It wasn't a remake. It was part of the series because it starred Pat Morita and it was called The NEXT Karate Kid. This is a reboot.
ReplyAh yes, ANOTHER reboot. That seems to be the trendy thing to do these days.
ReplyIt's called a "DE-MAKE" where there is no need, demand or pop cultural reason to remake the original and often it's far inferior to the original...give em hell Fidel!!! see you at SX!
ReplyIt doesn't look that bad, except that it's called The KARATE Kid and it's about KUNG-FU. That's like calling a someone from China "Japanese." Not just insulting, but stupid as well.
ReplyThis is home!
ReplyTake off the jacket, put it on, take off (I alrea) take it off!
ReplyI actually enjoyed the trailer...the whole point of these kinds of movies is that you get to live vicariously through the actor, so for two hours you kinda get to imagine how much cooler your life would have been if you had excelled at Kung Fu. In my case I never even got the chance to take a single Kung Fu class since my parents didn't think it was a girl-appropriate sport. Am i too old to be adopted by Jackie Chan?
ReplyIt sounds so creepy when you say it, Daniel.
Replyshouldn't we always drink before noon? Why need a KK remake to imbibe pre-lunch?
Replycochino!
ReplySocial comments and analytics for this post... This post was mentioned on Twitter by fidmart85: Hollywood, I hate you. http://anyguey.guanabee.com/2010/02/karate-kid-remake-trailer/...
ReplyHollywood doesn't want audiences smart. They want audiences easily impressed with explosions and tits (well, to be fair, who ISN'T impressed by those things), and to merely accept these things by clapping and hooting. Well done, Hollywood. At least Jackie was listening to Joe Esposito on his transistor radio. To agree with "guest", the biggest ideological problem we should have with this particular remake is both basic and ancient: the Japanese and Chinese, as cultures and people, have f***ing hated each other since time immemorial. To have a "karate" (Japanese) kid instructed in the ways of "kung fu" (Chinese...connect the dots) is insulting to both sides. But god forbid that basic tenet is acknowledged by Hollywood, for audiences made up of idiots.
Reply1) Explosions and tits are, admittedly, awesome. 2) I thought about highlighting the Chinese/Japan feud, but then I figured mentioning the Raping of Nanking would've been too much. 3) Star Wars reference?!?!? Really?!?
ReplyAt least it was an Original Trilogy reference. But I take your point - there needs to be a moritorium on Star Wars references. Most movie-goers have now been born after Return of the Jedi, and no matter how many "re-masters" or "director's cuts" or "improvements" anyone wants to make, it's just not cool anymore. Star Wars has jumped the shark harder than anything except the phrase "jump the shark". It's retroactively un-fucking-watchable now. There's going to be an entire generation brought up on remakes and reboots. I'd say "that's too bad", but The Hills/Jersey Shore generation pretty much deserves what it gets.
ReplyI could enjoy this movie if it wasn't called Karate Kid. It is in China, about Kung Fu and that doesn't make sense. Also, I can see the tournament ending just like Rocky IV (Chinese people cheering for the American guy)...
ReplyMr. miyagi is from okinawa not china , the movie look dumb
ReplyWell it just goes to show that the imbeciles in Hollywood choose the wrong title for this movie since he's being taught Kung Fu not Karate. Kind of like making people believe that a black president is really a white American born one:), just not true any way you look at it. Well the trailer does look entertaining and I may take the grandkids to see it but I'll try to view it as a "new generation" make not a remake. I don't see that word in their movie title, do you?
ReplyNice! Some old-timey racism thrown in there, too! Take the grandkids to a Klan rally, too, while you're at it. Please keep it to the points at hand: Hollywood is full of idiots, tits are awesome, and Hollywood is full of idiots. (See? I scripted that out just like Hollywood.)
ReplyI was keeping it to the point at hand idiot! Hollywood tries to sell you want IT wants you to buy just like the politics in DC. You must be one of those racist African Americans I'm guessing? Well get off the welfare wagon and onto the American Train. Hollywood and politicians do as they dam well please so get over it and keep your further comments to yourself. I don't care what you have to say in reply, IDIOT!!!
ReplySimmer down, Adolph. You didn't say a thing about breasts. That's how I know you're gay AND homophobic. Bad combo. Personally, I'm as white as rice myself, but since I have an education past the 3rd grade, I tend to not judge based on skin color...more on words and actions. I bet the American Train is coal-powered and engineered by Casey F'ing Jones himself (not the Grateful Dead/goddamn hippie version, though). Just tell the truth - you won't take the grandkids to see the movie because, as "well-spoken" as that Will Smith is, his son is still black, right? I can't wait til your granddaughter brings Lil' Wayne to family dinner. I wish I could be there for that. Please tell me again to keep further comments to myself. I love that.
ReplyGenerally I don't even waste my time responding to forums like these or post like this one but you just can't seem to leave well enough alone. So you are experienced at being gay and recognizing homos eh? Too bad you can't be a true red blooded man like me who gave some of himself for these self righteous pricks that run this great country into the ground. Too bad your education is just over 9th grade. Too bad Will Smith's son is more entertaining than your feeble attempt at ridicule. And too bad you're an idiot who speaks from his arse instead of the pea brain your momma gave ya. Bet the family dog got more love than you and you slash out at everyone. You should seek professional physciatric help before it eats you up or gets you into trouble for having such a punk mouth.
ReplyHow hard was it for you to not type "purty mouth" right there at the end? I bet you hit on all the boys' mouths...the ol' lady just doesn't do it for ya anymore, does she? She doesn't respect you the way you need to be respected, so you go after all the young guys now. Ha. (On an editorial note, how did we get here so fast? It really devolved, am I right?) I'd take it easy on the ol' "self-righteous pricks" comments, were I you, though - the interwebs hate hypocrisy (see, what I did there was insinuate that you're kind of a self-righteous prick yourself. And yes, I've decided to annotate my comments back to you, for your own clarification.). Oh, and good Christ, no, I certainly can't/won't leave well enough alone! What fun is that? You really seem the type to hate the sass-mouth backtalk, so why not push that big honking glowing button? I bet your son called you "sir", except for when you filled HIS purty mouth for him. It's not "gay" if you FORCE yourself on young men, is it? (Another note, now you're 0-for-2 at referencing tits back to me, but you insist on calling ME gay. Just sayin.) So I'm picturing you as Chris Cooper's character from American Beauty. Tell me...what do I look like to you?
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